Definitely Didn’t Geek Out at FanX

Last weekend, I opted to spend my valuable time at the comics convention in Salt Lake. You know, the Convention Legally Prohibited From Being Called Comic-Con, or “FanX” or short. FanX is a place where fans can finally have a safe space and not be ridiculed for enjoying some of the most wildly popular entertainment properties in history. What a bunch of nerds!

Anyway, I spent two days there–for research, obviously, and not to purchase extremely geeky genre fiction and comics, or to take pictures with cosplayers, or to chat with Magic: The Gathering card artists. Though I did also do those things… but that was part of the research, see.

I saw a whole lot of cosplay outfits. Among the outfits I saw were:

– Miraculous Ladybug (multiple)

– David the Gnome (also multiple??)

– Zoltar Fortune Telling Machine

– Young Lady, You Are Not Leaving the House Like That

– The cutest little kid plague doctor costume

– 600 versions of the same anime character–or 600 different anime characters; I couldn’t really tell

– Race-swapped Little Mermaid (she was white)

– Literally everyone else was dressed as foxes

Many of these costumes were ill-fitting, and I’m using the term “fit” loosely here, and by “loosely” I don’t mean loosely. I, meanwhile, wore the extremely mature costume of Disinterested Middle-Aged Man Who Is Secretly A Deeply Closeted Nerd. (It’s an obscure Marvel superhero; they’re getting their own series on Disney+ next year.)

Anyway, as definitely not a nerd, I mostly walked the floor and checked out the booths. I accidentally purchased art of the best ninja turtle of all, Raphael, who, according to the bards, “is cool but rude.” (I thought it was the famous classical painter; an honest mistake.)

I also accidentally purchased signed copies of various books and comics of various genres, including cyberpunk, dystopian, Weird West, space opera, military sci-fi, werewolves, cyber dystopian, military opera, cyber West, weirdwolves, and werewolf opera. 

This was all a front to more closely observe the deranged denizens of FanX, who engaged in the embarrassing activity of unashamedly enjoying the things they like in the open, like common barbarians. 

After careful examination, I can report that they were showing off their cool costumes, meeting interesting people, buying and selling fascinating wares, and generally enjoying themselves.

What a bunch of wackos. And they’re only going to get weirder. 

But don’t worry, dear reader; I’ll be back next year to find out just how much.

This article first appeared in the Duzett Gazette, the really official newsletter of Carl Duzett. Sign up here to get more content like this in your inbox, as well as some other content that isn’t quite like it, but is probably also good.

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